So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need water and some morals
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
