Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my shit smells like andre
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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