All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
