I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
