I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
