woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
