Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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