I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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