i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
