So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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