What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
