The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
