I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
