So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
