oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
