so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
