Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
