her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
