I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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