Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
