If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
