I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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