these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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