i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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