I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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