I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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