im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
