i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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