Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
