How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
