that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
