My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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