that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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