I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
