a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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