I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
