In the future we'll all be gay
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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