Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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