i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
