HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
did i just pee glitter
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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