my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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