I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
