If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
