I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
