How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
