The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your penis caused this!
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