she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
