Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
