Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
