he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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