Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
